she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
