my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize