he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. Itβs bad. But Iβll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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