dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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