I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
