I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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