Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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