i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
