I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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