im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
