Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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