The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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