i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize