Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize