you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Randomize
