i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
