I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
