My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize