The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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