I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
