Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
