No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
