My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
