it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
