i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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