Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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