all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize