I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
