Soap is not a condiment
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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