oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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