hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
