Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
