ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You made out with two different species that night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
