Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
