I think I am morally bankrupt
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i came on her dog
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
