meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
