i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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