If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
