I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
