Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize