I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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