I CAN MOONWALK!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i now understand why vodka
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
