Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Randomize
