I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
