i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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