sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
