What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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