The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
