we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
