someone get that fucking seahorse.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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