My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
