Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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