We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
