so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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