He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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