You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
