I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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