Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
