I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
