capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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