laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
