Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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