Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize