i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
