I hate all girls vehemently.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
