i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
