you would pick up someone in the library
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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