Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
