The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
