what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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