I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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