Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
