After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
