I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
