It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Screwed.edu
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
