I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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