he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
