Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
