I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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