so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
