Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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