Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
