Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize